Sex Before Marriage

Written by

Janis Todd-Randall, BA, MA, EMBA

Stupidbubble Founder

We’re all adults here, right? If not, get off this platform. Marriage is a serious commitment—a lifetime contract, if you will. So, why are we acting like sexual compatibility is a footnote? 

Burst the damn bubble: it’s not. Sex is a huge deal in any relationship, and pretending it magically "works itself out" after you say "I do" is like hoping a broken-down car will fix itself. It won’t.

Here’s the truth nobody wants to say out loud: sex before marriage matters. Why? Because if you’re not sexually compatible, your marriage is already on shaky ground. Being sexually unfulfilled isn’t just frustrating—it’s a setup for resentment, emotional distance, and, yes, even adultery. Let’s unpack why getting between the sheets before the wedding bells might just save your relationship and keep someone from becoming unalived.

1. Can We Talk About Needs for a Minute?

Everyone has their own... let’s call them preferences in the bedroom. Maybe you’re into frequent, spontaneous, can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other kind of vibes. Maybe your partner prefers something more slow-burn and emotional. Neither is wrong, but they are very different, and pretending those differences don’t exist won’t make them disappear.

Sex before marriage gives you both a chance to figure out what works—and what doesn’t. Think of it as a test drive for communication and compromise. If you’re afraid to have these conversations now, do you really think they’ll get easier when you’re married? Really? I got land to sale your ass in Florida. They won’t.

2. Chemistry Isn’t Always Guaranteed

Here’s the hard truth (no pun intended): just because you’re madly in love doesn’t mean you’re going to set the bedroom on fire. Sex is about more than love—it’s about chemistry, timing, and compatibility.

And let’s be honest, sometimes the first time isn’t all July 4th fireworks and Hollywood romance. Sometimes it’s awkward, clumsy, or just a total miss. That’s happens, but what’s shouldn't happen is entering into a marriage hoping this crucial part of your relationship will somehow fix itself when it hasn’t even been tested.

Sex before marriage gives you both the opportunity to see if the chemistry is there. Is it fireworks? A spark? A flicker? Or is it a damp match? Knowing that ahead of time is crucial—not as a dealbreaker, but as a reality check.

3. Adultery Isn’t Always About Love

Ouch! Let’s rip the band-aid off: being sexually unfulfilled in a marriage is a recipe for disaster. And no, not every affair is about falling in love with someone else. Sometimes, it’s about unmet needs that have been simmering under the surface for years.

Here’s the thing: no one wakes up one day and thinks, “Hey, I’m gonna wreck my marriage today!” It happens gradually, with small frustrations building over time. Exploring your sexual compatibility before marriage is one way to stop those frustrations before they start. It’s about making sure you’re both satisfied—emotionally and physically.

4. Let’s Normalize Growth

Look, no one’s saying sex is going to be perfect from day one. It takes time, communication, and effort. But here’s the kicker: growth can only happen if there’s something to build on.

Sex before marriage helps you figure out if the foundation is there. Can you grow together? Is there potential for fulfillment? Or are you forcing a connection that just doesn’t exist? Answering these questions now saves you from a lot of heartache later.

5. Enough with the Stigma

Why are we still acting like sex before marriage is some kind of moral failure? It’s not about promiscuity—it’s about honesty. You wouldn’t buy a car without test-driving it. You wouldn’t start a business without research. So why commit to a lifetime partnership without exploring something as important as sexual compatibility? Make it make sense.

Sex is a huge part of marriage. Ignoring it doesn’t make you more virtuous—it just sets you up for a rude awakening. Let’s stop pretending it doesn’t matter and start treating it with the respect it deserves.

Heads up: Don’t Gamble with Forever

Here’s the bottom line: marriage is about building a life together, and sex is part of that life. If it’s not working, pretending it doesn’t matter isn’t going to help. And if you’re worried about the stigma of sex before marriage, ask yourself this: Would you rather face a little judgment now or a life sentence with frustration and disappointment.

Sex before marriage isn’t about recklessness—it’s about responsibility. It’s about making sure every part of your relationship works, so you can move forward with confidence, not doubt. So, stop overthinking it, have the conversation, and figure it out. Your future self will thank you.

So, where do you stand? Comment below with your thoughts, your questions, and even your frustrations. Let’s keep it real, and most importantly, let’s keep the conversation going. This is how we build relationships worth fighting for.